


Ashita sae mo konakute ii (I'd be happy if tomorrow were to never come)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Lies, M/M, Oral Sex, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 07:25:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15019628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: Daiki woke up with a weird feeling.It was the same one he had had for a while, and he couldn’t shrug it off himself.He didn’t know whether it was good or not, he just knew he couldn’t take it anymore, that he wanted to give a name to it, understand what he was feeling, understand why every moment of his days was accompanied by that shadow, by the thought that there was something wrong with what he was living.





	Ashita sae mo konakute ii (I'd be happy if tomorrow were to never come)

Daiki woke up with a weird feeling.

It was the same one he had had for a while, and he couldn’t shrug it off himself.

He didn’t know whether it was good or not, he just knew he couldn’t take it anymore, that he wanted to give a name to it, understand what he was feeling, understand why every moment of his days was accompanied by that shadow, by the thought that there was something wrong with what he was living.

He turned to the other side of the bed, finding Yamada there.

He knew he was there. He had gotten to bed last night cradling in the sound of his breath, in the warmth of his skin, in the traces left on him after they had had sex.

It was all he had ever wanted, and now that he had it, it felt horribly wrong.

He stretched his neck over the younger’s body, quickly glancing at the alarm clock.

It was eight in the morning.

Even during his days off, he couldn’t manage to sleep over.

It was like he was haunted by a shapeless nightmare, which kept presenting itself while he slept avoiding him to rest properly.

Even that, he was sure, was because of Ryosuke’s presence next to him.

Not that he wanted to blame it on him, on the contrary.

He had been the one letting him inside his house, his bed, his life.

He had been the one to let his have certain attitudes, certain habits.

He had been the one always letting the younger get what he wanted, and Yamada had never missed to take advantage of it.

Yamada came whenever he felt like it. 

He came when he felt down or when he just wanted to have sex, he came when he had fought with Chinen or when he couldn’t help but think about Daiki.

And Daiki knew it, he could tell the reason why he was at his door just by looking at him, without the other needing to say a word.

Because then, after all, he never did.

He just put his best smile on, never an honest one, and he told him he wanted to see him. They rarely managed to do something concrete together, before they found themselves naked jumping on each other like animals, was it on the couch, the bed, on the floor, or, when Yamada felt particularly like putting a stop to the thoughts in his head, directly against the wall in the entrance.

Daiki hated the whole situation, but it was all he had managed to get from him, and during those weeks he had always tried to be okay with it, lying to himself, telling that he mattered something to Yamada, that he wasn’t just someone who allowed him to vent his frustration.

But that feeling of discomfort stayed, and it told him he wasn’t lying good enough.

He got close to him, softly brushing a hand on his hip and resting his chin on his chest, looking at him fidget and groan, sign that he was about to wake up.

He looked beautiful.

And he had always found him beautiful, he had always tried to be close to him, he had desired to have this more than anything else.

Not exactly like this, but he had had to settle.

Yamada slightly opened his eyes, sleepy and vaguely confused.

He looked at him for a moment, then he smiled and brought a hand behind his head, caressing his hair.

“Good morning.” he murmured, his voice heavy.

“Good morning.” Daiki smiled back to him.

“How long have you been up?” the younger asked, sitting up and brushing over his eyes.

“Just a few minutes.” the other replied, then he bit his lip. “I'm sorry I woke you up.”

Ryosuke shrugged, the smile still on his face.

“Don’t worry. I would've done that on my own in a short while.” he reassured him, leaning over and kissing him.

Daiki shivered.

He liked those mornings. He liked to wake up and find him there, he liked to have the right to kiss him, he liked that domestic feeling between them, lived so many times to almost look real.

It nourished his fantasy better, it managed to convinced him of what he saw around him, that Yamada was in that bed because he felt something for him, not because he had failed at the task of being alone.

He laid on his side of the bed, letting Ryosuke rest against him, caressing him, kissing his chest, his collarbone, up to his neck, behind his ear.

Daiki closed his eyes, losing himself in the feeling of those hands and that mouth, without thinking about anything else, keeping out of his mind anything that wasn’t Yamada and that very moment, because from time to time avoiding to think was the only way he could convince himself he was truly happy like this.

The younger straddled him, still kissing, licking, biting him.

And Arioka brought a hand behind his neck, pushing him closer against himself, feeling aroused already, feeling almost disgusted by himself for the effect Yamada had on him.

The younger looked at him, a mischievous smile on his face, while his hand went lower, making a quick work of the other’s pants and boxers to go and brush his cock.

Daiki moaned, biting his lip and forcing himself to keep his eyes on him, looking at his every movement, watching him while his mouth went down to his navel, licking around it and then moving lower until it met his hand, starting to lick slowly up his shaft before wrapping his mouth around it.

And he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He clenched them, losing into that feeling, managing only to think about Ryosuke’s mouth on him and what he felt, how he wanted him to go on forever.

And he was sure Yamada knew that, that he saw the urge in his gestures, in his hand pulling on his hair, holding him, uselessly trying to dictate the pace.

He knew that, and it didn’t prevent him from stopping.

Arioka groaned, but he didn’t try to force him. He knew what Yamada wanted, it was a well-established routine, so he didn’t waste any time.

He reversed their positions so that the younger was the one laying and he made room for himself between his legs, practically pushing his fingers against his lips.

The other opened them and started licking him, his eyes fixated on him, aware of how that tongue added up to Daiki’s desire, to his craving to be inside of him, to take him.

Arioka quickly took his fingers out of his mouth and brought them to his rim, preparing him without much care.

Ryosuke had never complained about him being too little careful or too harsh; he knew what he wanted, and he didn’t care about how he got that, as long as he did.

A few minutes later Daiki was pushing inside of him, with one swift thrust, and Ryosuke had to take a moment to try and breathe properly.

They both kept their eyes closed for a moment, then the elder was moving, every thrust harder, deeper, his pace fastening at the same pace as Yamada’s moans in his ears, louder and sharper, asking for more, letting him believe that he was the only one who could make him feel like this.

Daiki brought a hand to his cock and stroked him fast, as if he wanted to get it over with quickly, even though it wasn’t like that.

He wished it could’ve never ended, but he knew he wasn’t able to resist.

They were both on the brink, and it was then that Ryosuke brought a hand behind his head, pulling on his hair and forcing him to look at him.

“Daiki...” he murmured, his voice broken. “Daiki, I love you.” he said, the other got lost.

He felt him coming on his hand, against their bodies, while he climaxed as well and emptied himself inside of him.

He collapsed against Yamada’s scorching hot body, his eyes clenched and his hands still on his hips.

He felt like crying.

“Thank you.” he whispered, and the younger didn’t ask for explanations.

Those words hurt as much as they helped.

They were what he needed to go on, they were all he asked for his imagination to learn and play better tricks on him.

That ‘I love you’ was a lie, but after all he needed a lie to survive. To convince himself he mattered, that he was the only one, that his love for Ryosuke was reciprocated, to allow himself to believe that it wasn’t just sex between them, but that what they were living was actually leading somewhere.

He let himself being convinced, but he didn’t believe it.

Because for Yamada being in that bed with him, day after day, had the only price of lying for a split second, tell him what he wanted to hear, certain that it was going to be enough to go on like that.

Making Daiki feel almost disgusting because, after all, it truly was enough for him to let the younger walk all over him, with no shame or regret.

That was the feeling.

Being tricked and choosing to believe it.

And while he laid there, on top of Yamada, listening to his heavy breath and feeling his warm hand still on his back, Daiki understood that perhaps he had never really had a choice.

Ryosuke had caught him in that trap, and he couldn’t escape.

He could only keep feeding off that lie.


End file.
